How To Know if Your Partner Is Cheating: Uncover the Truth

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Suspecting your partner is cheating on you can be mentally and emotionally tough. And, with the rise of cheating spouses on social media platforms like TikTok, it can seem like infidelity is becoming more common, making it even harder to ignore your concerns.

If you’re asking yourself, ‘Is my Partner cheating?’ – our guide explains it all: signs of if your partner is cheatingcheating on social media, how to catch a cheater, how to confront your cheating partner, and more.

Short on Time? Here Are the Key Takeaways

  • Changes in your partner’s behavior—like emotional distance, late nights at work, new spending habits, a focus on their appearance, and hypercriticism—might provide clues that they could be cheating.
  • Cheating partners often leave digital footprints on social media and messaging apps such as Snapchat, Facebook, and Instagram.
  • To gather evidence of your partner’s infidelity, you can consider using a cheating spouse tracker app (ideally with their consent) or asking them if you can look through their devices.
  • Before confronting your partner about suspected cheating, talk with your loved ones for support, craft short and long-term plans, and check for STDs and STIs.

What Is Cheating?

In general, cheating is a breach of trust between two (or more) people in a committed relationship. It happens across all genders, sexual orientations, races, ages, religions, and relationship dynamics—including polyamorous relationships.

Specific definitions of cheating vary. A 2017 Superdrug Online Doctors survey found that 97% of Americans see penetrative sex as cheating. However, 85% disapprove of kissing others, 62% view emotional closeness as cheating, and 36% believe even friendly outings with the opposite sex are inappropriate.

16 Potential Signs of Cheating

Some evidence of cheating is undeniable, such as catching your partner in the act. However, signs of infidelity are often subtle. Below are some clues to watch for.

1. They’re Protective of Their Devices

One of the first signs that something is amiss is a change in your partner’s behavior with their phone, tablet, or laptop.

For example, they used to leave their phone screen-up on the table or happily hand it to you to look at a funny meme, but now they don’t want you to go near it and take it everywhere with them.

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Other indicators include changing their password or adding a new one, tilting the screen away from you, and leaving the room to take calls.

2. They’re Suddenly Very Busy—But Don’t Divulge Details

Having an affair takes time, and cheaters need excuses for their absences.

A classic excuse is work. If your partner suddenly works longer hours, evenings, and weekends, attends business events, and takes overnight work trips, this could be a cover-up for meeting their affair partners.

This is especially suspicious if they’re vague about why work has suddenly gotten very busy or if there’s no external reward, such as a promotion or raise.

Another excuse is a new hobby, which increases their time away from home. While people do take up new interests, be wary if your partner doesn’t share details about their new hobby, lacks evidence of the hobby (such as equipment or workout gear), or has an inconsistent schedule.

3. They’re Overly Concerned About Your Schedule

Conversely, your partner may start asking for exact details about your schedule.

Is it no longer enough to say you’re seeing a friend? Do they now need to know where, when, and for how long? Knowing your schedule could help them avoid being caught while meeting someone else.

Your partner might also encourage you to go away alone or visit family or friends without them. If you haven’t done this before, or your partner won’t stop bringing it up, it could be a red flag that they’re trying to get you out of the picture to spend time with their affair partner.

4. Their Financial Habits Seem Unusual

Another potential sign of cheating is expenditures in shared bank accounts that your partner can’t explain, such as payments to unfamiliar stores or restaurants.

Of course, many cheaters avoid obvious spending patterns. To hide their transactions, your partner might sign up for a new credit card. You’ll still see credit card payments leave your shared account, but you won’t know what they’re spending the money on. You may also see withdrawals for PayPal statements, which won’t tell you anything unless you can access your partner’s account.

Additionally, frequent cash withdrawals can indicate your partner is trying to avoid a paper trail, possibly for spending on an affair or sex workers.

If you have separate bank accounts, it’s harder to track your partner’s spending without snooping. However, if their financial situation hasn’t changed but they’re less generous and more money-conscious, this could be suspicious.

5. They’ve Become Hypercritical of You

Has your partner suddenly become extremely critical of your behavior, opinions, or appearance? This shift in their behavior could indicate an affair: They might be consciously or unconsciously comparing you to their affair partner.

6. They’ve Become Emotionally Distant

Changes in your partner’s behavior—especially if they’ve checked out emotionally—could be a sign of trouble.

For example, they might stop telling you how they feel, asking about your day, or sharing jokes. They might also not argue with you as much as they used to.

Additionally, your partner might be reluctant to discuss the future or even plan a vacation. This doesn’t always mean they plan to leave, but it suggests your future together feels less real to them.

7. They’ve Lost Interest in Intimacy With You

If your partner’s needs are being met elsewhere, they may go off the idea of sex and intimacy with you. A possible indication of this could be a sudden change from a high sex drive to having no interest in a sex life at all.

8. They’ve Become Overly Affectionate

On the other hand, some cheating partners become more affectionate and loving. This can be because they feel guilty or simply because they’re happier.

They might also show more interest in sex. Suspicion can arise if they become more adventurous in the bedroom or want to be intimate more regularly.

9. They Seem To Be Lying About Other Things

Having an affair involves big lies, but it often means many little lies that you might notice first.

For example, your partner might tell you their car broke down, or their meeting ran over, or they’ll mess up the details of a previous story. These lies may not directly point to an affair, but they’re part of a web of excuses your partner has started using.

Additionally, if your partner’s explanations are overly long or seem rehearsed, it’s another indicator they might not be telling you the truth.

10. They Have Trouble Remembering What They’ve Told You

This sign isn’t about keeping lies straight. It’s about your partner thinking they’ve already told you something because they’re potentially having similar conversations with someone else.

For example, they may have told their affair partner they’re worried about their job and then think it was you they spoke to. It’s often an indication of an emotional affair that may or may not also be physical.

11. Their Friends Are Behaving Oddly

Another sign your partner could be cheating is if their friends begin behaving awkwardly around you—or trying to avoid you altogether. If they know what’s going on or have been used as alibis, they’ll want to avoid slipping up and revealing something they shouldn’t.

12. They Can’t Stop Mentioning a Certain Someone

Known as “mentionitis,” this is when your partner constantly refers to another person, even if the topic of conversation isn’t relevant to them. It shows someone—potentially an affair partner—is taking up space in your partner’s head.

13. You Smell Unusual Fragrances

Sometimes, smells are a sign your partner is being unfaithful. For instance, if your non-smoking partner smells like cigarettes or their clothes smell like a new perfume or cologne, it could be a red flag.

They might also come home smelling freshly showered without a clear reason. Alternatively, they might rush to shower, suggesting they’re hiding something.

14. They’re Making an Effort To Look Good

Losing weight, getting fit, getting a new haircut, or buying new clothes alone isn’t suspicious—but if combined with other behaviors on this list, it could be.

For example, if your partner starts dressing up more for outings when they used to be happy wearing sweatpants, it could indicate they’re going on dates instead of casual meetups with friends.

15. They Seem To Be Gaslighting You

The phrase “gaslighting,” from the 1944 movie Gaslight, involves deliberately making someone question their interpretation of reality. Though not always the case, signs of gaslighting could also indicate infidelity.

For example, if you confront your partner about inconsistencies in their stories, they might accuse you of remembering things wrong and even call you delusional or paranoid.

They might also claim your worries stem from spending too much time on social media or watching reality television.

Additionally, people having affairs often accuse their partners of being unfaithful as a diversion.

16. You Have a Gut Feeling

Even without these signs, you may feel something is off, especially if you’ve been with your partner for a long time.

Our brains pick up and process all kinds of information even when we’re not aware of it, and you might be subconsciously picking up signals your partner is cheating on you.

However, there are other things your partner could be keeping from you apart from infidelity. For instance, they may exhibit many of the above behaviors if they’re struggling with debt or an addiction to alcohol, drugs, or gambling.

Warning Signs Your Partner Is Cheating on Social Media Apps

According to DataReportal, 70% of the US population uses social media, and some may use it to cheat. Here are some signs to watch for:

They’re Spending an Excessive Amount of Time on Social Media

If your partner is suddenly spending a lot more time on social media apps than usual, this may indicate something suspicious is going on. It’s especially worrying if they’re interacting with people you don’t know or spending a lot of time engaging with one person’s posts.

On most social media apps, such as Instagram or X, you won’t be able to see their activity unless they’re responding publicly or you have access to their phone. However, if they’re using Snapchat and you’re friends, you can see how active your partner is by checking their Snap score. You’ll be able to tell if they’re active on Snapchat because the score will increase over time.

They Have a New Friend or Follower You Don’t Know

Another sign your partner could be cheating is if they have a new friend on Facebook or a new follower on Instagram or X who you don’t know.

Of course, there could be a simple, innocent explanation for this. For instance, the new friend or follower could be a distant relative, one of your partner’s colleagues whom you haven’t met yet, or an old friend.

However, take a look at the individual’s profile and see how your partner has interacted with it. Have they liked multiple photos of the person? Do they frequently comment on or reply to the person’s posts?

Pay attention to the content of the individual’s posts and your partner’s interactions, too. Liking and commenting “Cute pup!” on a photo of someone’s dog, for instance, is different from liking and commenting “WOW!” on someone’s selfie.

They Have Social Media Apps You Didn’t Know About

If your partner has apps you don’t use, that’s not immediate cause for concern. They may be using them to speak to colleagues or friends. But if they have apps on their phone that they say they’ve deleted or never used Snapchat or Telegram, it could be a red flag. And, of course, some apps are more suspicious than others.

For example, Kik is a popular choice for people seeking anonymity since you don’t need to share your phone number and can connect using a username. There are also a range of apps specifically designed to hide their function. One example is Calculator Pro+, a messaging app disguised as a calculator. It has additional features, such as modifying notifications to look like innocuous phone updates.

If you’re in an exclusive relationship with someone and find dating apps on their phone, that’s a bad sign. Popular dating apps include Tinder, Grindr, Bumble, and Hinge. There are also dating platforms aimed exclusively at people looking for affairs, such as Ashley Madison, Illicit Encounters, and Adult Friend Finder.

If you’re concerned about your partner’s activities, you’ll also want to know if they’re accessing escort sites to contact sex workers. There are many sites and apps for this, but a few major ones to look out for are Tryst, Fansly, Adult Search, and Escort Directory.

They’ve Increased Their Privacy Settings

Your partner adding password protection to their phone could be a warning sign of infidelity if it’s a new behavior. You should be wary if they’ve set up extra privacy settings within their social media apps. This could include changing their privacy settings on Instagram to hide their online status (which appears in the Messages tab), setting up a biometric app lock (i.e., facial recognition to open WhatsApp), or enabling disappearing messages.

Telegram and Viber are two apps with privacy settings you may not know about.

If left on its default setting, Telegram will save copies of sent and received messages. However, it also has a Secret Chats function, which offers end-to-end encryption, self-destructing messages, and no forwarding. If your partner has enabled this function, they may be harboring a secret.

Viber is an instant messaging app with a hidden chat feature. This means conversations can’t be unlocked without a PIN, which has to be selected specifically. If your partner is going to the trouble of ensuring that level of privacy, they could be hiding something from you.

They’ve Deleted Their History

Not all apps have the built-in security features of Snapchat, Telegram, and Viber. However, conversations, photos, and videos can be deleted easily on any social media app, including Facebook, Instagram, and X.

If your partner spends a lot of time on messaging apps and social media, but their chat history is empty or shows no new messages, this could indicate they’re deleting content they don’t want you to see.

Additionally, if you look at your partner’s phone and see chat histories with particular individuals seem abruptly cut off, this could be a sign they’ve deleted messages. For instance, you might see a response to a question that wasn’t asked in the visible chat history, suggesting parts of the conversation are missing. Frequently deleted browser history is also something to look at.

They Never Post Pictures of the Two of You Together

If your partner regularly posts pictures of themselves on Facebook, Instagram, or X but never includes photos of the two of you, it could indicate that they don’t want their followers to know they’re in a relationship.

This can be especially apparent if they continue to be active on social media in other ways—such as posting personal achievements, outings, or daily activities—but conspicuously leave you out. Similarly, it’s a red flag if they post photos of themselves from date nights, trips, or other outings where you took photos together.

Your partner might also curate their friend lists, such as close friends on Instagram, to exclude specific people from seeing posts that involve you. This selective sharing can be a strategy to keep their relationship status ambiguous to certain audiences—particularly affair partners.

Their Online Location Looks Suspicious

Many apps—including Instagram, WhatsApp, and Snapchat—make it easy to share your location. If your partner used to share their location but has disabled this feature without explanation, you might want to ask why.

Additionally, if your partner’s shared location doesn’t match where they say they are, this could cause concern.

High-Profile Examples of Cheaters Getting Caught

Do celebrities cheat more than others, or are they just more likely to be caught? Let’s look at some examples of celebrity cheaters whose affairs came to light.

Digital Trails

Celebrity affairs are frequently exposed through emails, social media, messaging apps, and dating sites.

Vanessa Trump found emails between her husband, Donald Trump Jr., and singer Aubrey O’Day. Josh Duggar from 19 Kids and Counting was outed when hackers released stolen subscriber data from Ashley Madison.

Some celebrities are a bit more crafty than others, however. When Lamar Odom cheated on Khloe Kardashian, he used his assistant’s phone to send messages, so nothing showed up on his own devices.

Workplace Affairs

Like many ordinary people, celebrities often start affairs with work colleagues.

Kristen Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson with director Rupert Sanders while filming Snow White and the Huntsman. The pair were photographed kissing on set.

Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky might be the most famous examples of workplace infidelity. Their affair took place from 1995 to 1997 when Clinton was President of the United States—and married to Hillary Clinton (who’s still his wife today)—and Lewinsky was a White House intern.

Media Drama

Social media is a common platform for celebrities to publicly address their infidelity, apologizing to partners and fans. FC Dallas footballer Sebastian Lletget, actor Tom Sandoval, and singer Adam Levine all confessed to their infidelities on Instagram.

Reality TV shows can also capture the fallout. Khloe Kardashian’s on-again, off-again partner Tristan Thompson had multiple affairs that took place during the filming of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. And when Dean McDermott cheated on Tori Spelling, it was discussed in detail on their show, Tori & Dean.

There have even been examples of celebrities cheating on their partners in full view of the cameras in the Big Brother house. Stephen Bear cheated on his now-ex-girlfriend Lillie Lexie Gregg with Chloe Khan when he was on Celebrity Big Brother UK.

Art Imitating Life

Some celebrities incorporate their experiences with infidelity into their work. For instance, actor and director Kenneth Branagh was still married to Emma Thompson when he began his relationship with Helena Bonham Carter.

Thompson later said that she channeled her pain into her role in Love Actually, in which she plays a character whose husband is unfaithful. “I’ve had so much bloody practice at crying in a bedroom and then having to go out and be cheerful,” she said.

Forgiveness and Reconciliation

While some celebrity infidelities lead to breakups, many famous couples choose to stay together.

After actor David Boreanaz admitted multiple affairs, his wife Jaime Bergman stuck by him, and the couple are still together. Talk show host David Letterman also stayed with his wife, Regina Lasko, after admitting to numerous affairs following an alleged extortion attempt.

What To Do if You Think Your Partner is Cheating

Discovering potential signs of infidelity can be distressing. Here’s how to approach the situation carefully:

Talk to a Trusted Friend or Family Member

Sharing your concerns with a loved one can provide relief and clarity. They can offer a different perspective or share similar experiences, which can help you feel less isolated.

However, there’s a risk of bias as friends and family might naturally take your side. Also, involving someone else can spread the issue beyond your primary relationship, possibly leading to breaches of privacy or unwanted gossip.

Consult a Therapist or Counselor

A professional can help you navigate your feelings and offer tools to cope with stress and anxiety. Therapy is a safe space to explore your emotions without judgment and consider practical steps forward.

Communicate Directly with Your Partner

Depending on your relationship, discussing your concerns with your partner might lead to an honest discussion. This approach can be the most straightforward way to uncover the truth, especially if you don’t have any evidence of your partner cheating.

Observe and Gather Evidence

Gathering evidence can confirm your suspicions and provide a basis for confrontation if necessary. This can involve noting inconsistencies in your partner’s stories, tracking spending, or observing changes in behavior. It can also mean collecting information, screenshots, and photos.

Think About Whether You Would End the Relationship

Consider the future of your relationship if it turns out that your partner is cheating. Will you break up or divorce, or will you try to reconcile? Thinking about this beforehand helps you set personal boundaries and decide what you are and aren’t willing to tolerate in a relationship.

Check for STD and STIs

If you suspect your partner has been cheating, get tested for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and infections (STIs). This ensures any physical consequences of an affair are addressed promptly. Positive test results can also be a factual basis for confronting your partner.

How to Catch a Cheater

Apps such as mSpy, Spynger, and uMobix can be installed on your partner’s phone to monitor their messages, calls, locations, and more. This information can give you the evidence to prove your partner is being unfaithful or the peace of mind that they aren’t.

However, installing spy apps to monitor another person’s phone is illegal in many countries, including the US, unless you have the person’s consent or are using the apps to monitor a child under your care.

The best time to install a free spy app on your partner’s phone is with their consent at the beginning of a relationship to facilitate trust and openness. This might be particularly helpful if you have been cheated on in the past.

You could also discuss installing spyware on a partner’s phone if you have agreed to continue your relationship after a past affair.

Alternatively, you could ask your partner if you can look through their phone or other devices. This can be a difficult request to make, but it can allow you to collect evidence with their consent.

If they agree, you can search their devices for the clues we covered above. If they say no, use this opportunity to have an open, honest conversation about your concerns.

Tips for Confronting a Suspected Cheater

Confronting a suspected cheating partner takes courage. Follow these tips to ensure the confrontation goes as smoothly as possible:

Assess Whether It’s Safe to Do So

Before you confront your partner, you need to assess whether it’s safe. If you think you’re in danger, especially if there has been domestic abuse, seek help from the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

Decide When To Do It

Find a calm, private moment to talk when you and your partner are free from distractions or stresses. Avoid times when you’re likely to be interrupted, such as just before work or late at night.

Create Short-Term and Long-Term Post-Confrontation Plans

The outcome of this conversation could change your life. Prepare yourself by creating both short-term and long-term plans for the future.

Decide where you’ll stay immediately after the confrontation—e.g., at home, with a friend, or family member—particularly if it ends up that your partner has been cheating. Also, identify someone you can talk to for support.

Then, decide what to do in the long term. Consider if you’re open to reconciliation or if you’ll end your relationship if your suspicions are proven true. Think about financial implications, too, especially if one partner is the primary income earner or owns most of the property.

Conversely, if the conversation has a positive outcome and you’re reassured about your partner’s behavior, what next? Can you openly discuss why you felt you needed to have this conversation? How will you move forward together?

Process Your Emotions Beforehand

Before confronting your partner, take time to understand and manage your emotions. Journaling your thoughts, talking with friends, or seeking professional help can help you sort through your feelings. Being emotionally prepared makes it easier to stay calm and communicate clearly during the confrontation.

Speak Calmly and Honestly, Using the Right Approach

Approach the discussion from an “I” and “we” perspective rather than a “you” perspective. Also, avoid speaking in definites or using overly strong language—even if your suspicions are high or you have evidence.

Still, speak honestly and explain the stress and heartache the situation has caused you.

For example, say, “I’ve noticed you’re spending more time away from home recently, and I sense some things you’ve told me might not be true. I’m worried you may be hiding something from me—specifically, an affair. It’s causing me a lot of anxiety and fear. I’d like to have an honest discussion about this.”

Present Evidence If You Have It

If you have evidence of cheating, such as photos or texts, present it calmly and factually. Use it to express your feelings and discuss the next steps.

For instance, you might say to your partner, “I wanted to tell you I found evidence that you’ve been cheating on me. I found [specific evidence, such as text messages to another person or someone else’s clothing in your bedroom]. I’m heartbroken over this, and we need to have an honest discussion about it.”

Carry Out Your Short-Term Plan

After the conversation, follow your prepared plan. Remember to prioritize your best interests and avoid changing your short-term plan if it benefits your partner. For example, if you’ve decided you’ll need time apart if your partner confesses to cheating, commit to doing that.

Seek Support

If your suspicions are confirmed, you don’t need to face the future alone. Seek emotional support from friends and family members.

Professional help, such as therapy or counseling, can also give you a safe space to explore your feelings and options moving forward. If you and your partner choose to stay together, you could consider attending couples therapy or speaking with a family therapist.

Therapy can also be beneficial when your partner hasn’t been cheating. It can help you and your partner address underlying trust issues and improve communication to rebuild a healthy relationship.

Conclusion

Cheating is a breach of trust that can destroy a relationship. But knowledge is power, and knowing the truth can help you move forward.

Warning signs of potential unfaithfulness include a change in financial habits, a decrease in physical intimacy and emotional connection, and strange behavior around their devices. Other red flags include your partner suddenly becoming very busy or hypercritical of you.

If you suspect your partner is cheating, gather evidence and confront them. The best spy apps of 2024 will help you find the information you need. Even if they aren’t having an affair, the worrying behaviors you’ve noticed suggest other issues in your relationship that might need addressing.

FAQs

How do you really find out if your partner is cheating?

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References

  1. Cheating Spouse Survey Results – Truth About Deception (Web.archive)
  2. Therapist Shares 19 Signs of Cheating & What to Do About It (Choosing Therapy)
  3. 10 Signs Your Spouse Is Cheating | Psychology Today United Kingdom (Psychology Today)
  4. Signs Your Spouse Is Having an Affair | How to Spot a Cheating Spouse (Dame Legal)
  5. Digital 2024: The United States of America — DataReportal – Global Digital Insights (Data Reportal)
  6. Telegram Users by Country 2024 (World Population Review)
  7. 7 Dos and Dont’s of How to Confront a Cheater (Marriage)
  8. Celebrity Cheating Scandals – Infamous Hollywood Breakups (Cosmopolitan)
  9. Kristen Stewart Cheats on Robert Pattinson With Rupert Sanders: See All of the Shocking Pics From Their Fling! | Us Weekly (US Magazine)
  10. Donald Trump Jr. Had an Affair With Aubrey O’Day During Vanessa Marriage | Us Weekly (US Magazine)
  11. Josh Duggar: ‘I have been the biggest hypocrite ever’ | CNN (Edition.cnn)
  12. Khloe Kardashian On Lamar Odom Cheating on Her: “Love Is Blind” (Elle)
  13. DrudgeReportArchives.com © 2024 (Drudge Report Archives)
  14. Soccer star on Becky G cheating rumors: ’10 minute lapse in judgment resulted in an extortion plot’ | Fox News (Fox News)
  15. ‘Vanderpump Rules’ star Tom Sandoval issues apology to Ariana Madix after split (NBC News)
  16. 25 Celebrity Cheating Scandals – Business Insider (Business Insider)
  17. Tori Spelling Opens Up About Dean McDermott’s Cheating Scandal (People)
  18. All of Stephen Bear’s controversies as he is found guilty of revenge porn (The Tab)
  19. Emma Thompson Talks Kenneth Branagh’s Alleged Affair With Helena Bonham Carter | HuffPost Entertainment (Huffpost)
  20. Bones’ David Boreanaz: Yes, I Cheated (People)
  21. The Letterman Scandal: Inside His Affair (People)
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Emma Street
Editor
Emma Street
Editor

Emma Street is a highly experienced writer who specializes in subjects such as finance and tech, as well as sex and relationships under her pen name. With over 15 years of experience working in technical development within the finance industry, she enjoys writing about the intersection of technology, business, personal lives, and creativity.

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